to top

after a long absence, I return

Goodness gracious, it has been a long time since I’ve posted. When I decided to take a few days off from blogging and social media around the holidays, I certainly didn’t imagine I would be MIA until late February. I don't think I'd fully grasped the depth of my exhaustion when I first realized I needed a break. I gave myself permission to rest for the remainder of the month, but with all the holiday things, when January came I was still very much in need of more rest. Now, I’m back. Well rested and with...

Continue reading

5 things about me

photo of affirmation I am open and receptive to extraordinary blessings.

December Reflections: day 7. I ran away from home when I was 17 and- I lived in a boardinghouse in a room with no lock, surrounded by mostly transient men. It never occurred to me to feel scared because it was the safest home I'd ever known. I got pregnant unexpectedly when I was 21 and became a mother a few days before I turned 22 and- At 30, I became a single mother with three children and no work history to speak of. In spite of all of this, I never think of myself...

Continue reading

thoughts, in no particular order

It's been a very long time since I've written a real blog post, one in which I share more than a few words, a bit of poetry, or a new painting.  I’m in the midst of giving birth to a realization that has been slow to form, but here it is: I cannot be more in the world unless I begin being more of myself in the world. Thus far, I’ve held back from sharing my whole self, my authentic self, thinking that I could just get by with sharing parts of myself, carefully controlled and...

Continue reading

Nostalgia, take two

My son’s high school graduation is approaching in less than a month. And my mental countdown to his leaving home, which began with college applications last fall, now feels like a clock sped up- rushed and urgent. In August, the four of us will fly to New York City. And only three of us will come home to Iowa. My heart breaks in the strangest moments now. A wisp of an old memory floats up from wherever it’s been resting and washes me away. Last week it happened while driving by the street where I visited my midwife when...

Continue reading

the joy of wanting everything

There are so many things I want to do. I have lists everywhere. They order my desires and organize my thoughts. I begin with inspiration- I want to paint/draw/take some photos/journal/do yoga/meditate/go for a walk or a bike ride/watch a movie with my children. But I don't want to be busy. Feeling busy and overwhelmed takes the joy out of everything. Yet the boundary between inspiration and overwhelm is imperceptible to me and I don't see it until I've crossed it. When I'm overwhelmed, I'm sure I have too many projects going. When I am inspired, my heart shouts "yes!" at everything....

Continue reading

listening to the heart’s whispers

So this is my year of radical trust. I've been thinking a lot about what this means to me, especially as I've been working on the piece above. Specifically, I've been thinking about how trust and the idea of listening to my heart go together. I probably think about the heart more than the average person (but a lot less than like a heart surgeon or something.) I am a practitioner of HeartMath, a heart-centered meditation style that incorporates heart-rhythm biofeedback. The Institute of HeartMath has collected a lot of fascinating research on the role of the heart as...

Continue reading